A letter to Columbia on her tricentennial and the nation's 250th


Dearest Gentle Reader,

This author has never been one to withhold an opinion when a milestone of such magnitude presents itself, and so let it be known: the nation has turned two hundred and fifty, and our own beloved Columbia Borough has turned three hundred, and both parties appear to have marked the occasion with the only sensible response available to civilized persons: fireworks, music — and hamburgers sizzling on an open grill, to paraphrase a certain Mr. Chuck Berry.

In the capital, one is given to understand that weeks of "fireworks" in Washington reached their crescendo on the evening of the Fourth, with an extravagant display of pyrotechnics over the Mall and an address from the President, delivered, one presumes, with his customary restraint and modesty, though this author suspects restraint was in rather short supply.

Closer to home, and rather more to this author's taste, Columbians gathered at Glatfelter's Field to fête their own tricentennial alongside the nation's semiquincentennial, a word this author refuses to attempt again in this letter. 

Unfortunately, the heavens conspired most unkindly against us. The clouds threw open their gates, unleashing a deluge the likes of which Noah himself might have found excessive. The fireworks were canceled — or rather, postponed. 

And yet, Dear Reader, take heart! The day had been long appointed for celebration, and celebrate we did. Let it never be said that a little biblical precipitation could drown Columbian spirits, however thoroughly it drowned everything else. So be happy, Gentle Reader, and permit yourself not one drop of gloom.

However, this author must offer one small caveat: "Don't worry, be happy" is not the basis for a sound economic policy, nor a durable political philosophy, nor a plan of action of any kind. It is a lovely sentiment for an evening. It is a rather poor substitute for governance.

Two hundred fifty years is no small span for a nation to endure, though this author would be remiss not to observe that empires, as a general rule, have rarely enjoyed the privilege of growing quite so old. Likewise, three hundred years is likewise no trifling accomplishment for a borough. May Columbia see three hundred more (though one wonders whether such a thing is truly possible).

Until next we meet, Dear Reader...

Yours in candor and cautious optimism,
Cassandra Whistletown
 

Popular posts from this blog

The e-riders have arrived: largely unannounced and unlicensed (plus a special P.S.!)

Image
  Before we begin, Gentle Reader, we must express our profound sadness for those residents who just lost everything in Saturday's fire. Please consider donating to the several fundraising programs on the internet to help them. We must also convey our sincere and heartfelt admiration to the many firefighters who risked their lives and their health in extinguishing the blaze. Their courage and dedication are beyond measure.  Now, on to the topic at hand . . . Dearest Gentle Reader, Your faithful correspondent has witnessed many a spectacle in her time amongst the citizenry of our fair Columbia — the breathless social gambits, the whispered intrigues, the occasional scandals. Yet, nothing has so thoroughly upset her nerves, her composure, and her very will to cross the street, as the plague that has descended upon our beloved thoroughfares in the form of the electric bicycle and its even more audacious cousin, the electric scooter. They arrive without warning. They depart without...
Read more

The Pride Proclamation and the Mayor Who Didn't Blink

Image
Dearest Gentle Reader, Come close, for there has been a "scandal" at Borough Hall, and Your Faithful Correspondent simply could not allow it to pass without comment — for what is a small town without its small dramas, and what is a Whistletown without her opinions? It seems Mayor Leo Lutz, regardless of his own personal feelings on the matter, proclaimed June as Pride Month — which one would have thought should scarcely raise an eyebrow. But, Dear Reader, one would have thought wrong. Enter a certain resident, who rose before Council on the 23rd of June with paper in hand and grievance in heart, to inform the room that while he believes every soul is equal in the eyes of the Almighty, he cannot abide that equality being celebrated quite so publicly. A curious sort of equality indeed, one that insists upon its worth, while recoiling from its expression.  The resident fretted that a rainbow flag might trouble the digestion of families en route to Hinkle's for a bite. One d...
Read more

Fire engines, flags and fanfare: Columbia celebrates in grand style

Image
  Dearest Gentle Reader , It is with the greatest of pleasure, and no small measure of civic pride, that your devoted correspondent takes up her quill to relay the magnificent spectacle that graced the streets of our beloved Columbia this past Saturday. For indeed, a Lancaster County Firefighters Parade of considerable grandeur unfolded before the eyes of those fortunate enough to bear witness. The procession was, in a word, resplendent. Fire apparatus of various descriptions, drawn from the stations of Lancaster County and, in a gesture of inclusivity, from York County as well, which made their way through our streets. One must commend Columbia's generous and welcoming spirit; we do not turn away a good fire truck, regardless of its county of origin.  And let us not forget all of the other organizations that participated, too numerous to list here. There were also, one is delighted to report, representatives of those indispensable if less glamorous pillars of civilized societ...
Read more